Sunday, September 28, 2014

My Oldest Boy

It's after church. I am always gathering my littles. Trying not to loose anyone so we can go home and eat lunch. My youngest boy is missing. I peek my head in the Primary room (where the children meet as a group) and don't see him. The leaders of the children's group ask me to come in.

They share that they love my sweet son and I wonder which one. They are all dear to me. They tell me my oldest who we will call Gandalf, shared some wonderful words. They were watching Mormon Messages and rejoicing in an amazing program during our Sacrament meeting, or meeting where we all meet.

Check out this uplifting video here.

It's about a girl who loves her brother. Her brother has autism and sometimes others don't understand how his brain works. After the video Gandalf raised his hand and shared that he sees now that he is more special than he realized. These dear leaders told me the spirit was there and Gandalf had tears in his eyes.
{photo by Shari Hanson}

I'm so thankful he sees how important he is. I have always known it. My husband and I have always felt tender and sure he was a truly amazing spirit. Of course, all children are wonderful. And all my children are really amazing. But there is something about our eldest. And I felt this way before we found out he had Aspergers.

As a mom I tried to read as much as possible about child development and to watch out for markers or cause of concerns. My older brother suggested Autism when he was rocking one time. I knew that was a marker, but it didn't match up with what I knew about autism. There were so many things he was great at. I kept taking note and watching.

When he was four we put him in a great preschool. I am sure The Lord put us there for a reason. At one of the night classes one mom told me Gandalf was a lot like her son. And her son had Aspergers. I am so thankful for her courage. It must have been a little hard to suggest to someone else that their child could have autism. Some times people can be offended by that suggestion. I just listened as she told me about Aspies. It sounded a lot like my son. I was pretty sure that would explain his actions.

I remember driving home, thinking about my son and what this would mean for him. I wasn't upset. I love his brain! I love way he expresses himself. I love his pure heart. I love his quirks! And I remember feeling how important he was. That The Lord has a special plan for him. And I knew I wouldn't change the way he was. Maybe in some ways his brain was more like Heavenly Fathers's than mine.

That doesn't mean it's easy. There are times when we both had to leave preschool, both of us crying. There is heartbreak as children treat him unkindly sometimes. And we haven't even hit middle school.

I wish I could find the letter I wrote him that night when I came home from that preschool meeting. I didn't want him to feel bad because of this label because I knew he was a choice spirit. I knew it would be hard but I told him I wouldn't change the way his brain is because I loved him the way he was. And I trusted that The Lord had great things in store for him.

We had a great experience when we told him he had Aspergers. He was totally fine with it. And kinda thought it was cool. His brother was kinda bummed he didn't have it. I love Gandalf's  view. And I love that he is beginning to see his potential. I can only imagine the way our Heavenly Father sees him. And I look forward to see the great things The Lord has in store for him. I know I need to do my best as his mother and help him see his great worth.

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